In the past, divorce was seen as a very serious matter and it was not all that easy to achieve. Couples living together and raising families without being married was unheard of. Modern society is much more tolerant and this increased tolerance is one of the reasons why divorce has become so common. It is most certainly no shame to divorce and the laws governing the termination of such relationships have relaxed.
Experts warn that children are almost always the biggest losers during a divorce. They may not show any obvious signs of distress or trauma but behavioural experts have traced aberrant behaviour of many children back to the divorce of heir parents. If there is a chance to save a relationship and to spare children the trauma of divorce it should be considered very seriously.
There are other excellent reasons for trying to save a relationship. Most couples work very hard for years to build a solid financial base for the family, to save for retirement and to make sure that the future is secure. Divorce can cause havoc with these carefully laid plans and can destroy the financial security of all family members.
Couples often fail to reconcile, even after agreeing to make the effort and in many cases it is because they do not obtain professional help. A professional therapist will help the couple to identify the causes of the break down in the relationship. The parties involved are seldom able to stand back and identify the relevant issues in an objective manner and to find a common middle ground.
It is important to choose a therapist with experience in handling the type of issues that caused the relationship to flounder. If the problem is sex, for example, a therapist with experience in that field would be better suited to help the couple. When agreeing to therapy neither party should expect the therapist to act as judge, to take side or to suggest solutions.
There some instances where it would actually be better to divorce. This is often the case when physical, emotional and substance abuse have become prevalent. If there is no reasonable hope that trust, open communication and mutual support can be established again, it may also be better to divorce. If staying together will subject children to ongoing trauma the relationship can only cause more harm.
Where feasible, everything possible should be done to save a relationship. In many cases a qualified therapist can provide invaluable assistance. If this cannot be done the couple should at least try to agree to an uncontested divorce. Contested divorced are messy, open to public scrutiny and expensive. Uncontested divorces are private and more dignified.
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