Most therapists agree that couples seldom act objectively and logically when they separate or when they file for divorce. They allow their emotions to rule their actions and often do not consider all the consequences of their actions. The truth is that it is often a number of relatively insignificant smaller issues that eventually develop into major issues, all because couples do not communicate with each other.
There are instances where it may be best to rather divorce. This is especially the case where one partner is subjected to physical and emotional abuse. Infidelity, especially if repeated, a failure to play a positive role within the family and any form of child abuse are probably issues that will not be resolved easily and in such cases it may be better to terminate the relationship.
When a decision is reached to opt for therapy, it is often best to involve the entire family. Older children, for example, are often under extreme stress due to the many signs that their family is falling apart. In some cases it is the children themselves that are the root of the problems and differences experienced by the parents. Therapy seldom succeed if one partner refuse to cooperate.
It is important to find a therapist that will be neutral and that is acceptable to both partners. Many churches and non profit organizations have excellent programs in place. It is important to understand, however, that relationship are complex and that it may take some time and several sessions with the therapist before positive results can be expected. No reputable therapist can promise quick and easy solutions.
The role of the therapist is not to suggest solutions to the problems the couple experiences. Their role is to help the couple to understand the causes of the problems that they have, the obstacles that are in the way of solving those problems and the effects that the behaviour of each partner have on the other. Only once these issues are clear can possible solutions for those issues be explored and implemented.
Therapy can only be beneficial if both partners agree to some important ground rules. They need to be honest with each other and with the therapist. They must refrain from any form of aggressive behaviour and they must profess a genuine desire to make the relationship work. Once agreement is reached on how to handle specific issues, both partners must do their level best to keep to that agreement.
Families are worth saving and partners need to do everything within their power to save a relationship before terminating it in the divorce court. Divorce can have a devastating effect on all concerned and is certainly not the easy way out of a relationship with problems. No relationship is perfect, but problems can be dealt with.
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