The first on the list is coming up with more objectives to realize other than your partner. This means your efforts will be towards reviving the initial expectations when getting into the union. Your picture of the ideal relationship is revised and evaluated to assess how good you have been in realizing it. It is a self-move to sensitize you about your commitment towards getting there as a key player in the marriage.
The next step will be to dig your past and discover the source of all the conflict. The session leader is likely to lead you here, but more is expected of you. You are required to meditate on your inner person to realize the origin of all the pain, anger or revenge that could be leading you. It is a measure to check in your life for any deficiencies and address them as needful.
A self-ruled effort to allocate time for the session and space for improvement is required from you as a key player in the healing process. It is your duty to schedule for time together as a two or with the therapist. It requires you to make the needed arrangements to ensure that you are available and ready to create a reliable space to accommodate each other.
It is also emphasized that you develop an attitude of giving your partner a room for unforeseeable. You have to keep an inquisitive lifestyle with minimal judgments and general conclusions which may not be necessarily true or right. It is important that you change your attitudes and become more sensitive to how you bring out your conclusions on your partners thinking and next moves.
Furthermore, try finding your independence. Think about your self and start creating a space for yourself that you can easily factor out some things and work them out by yourself. This helps you not to over rely on your spouse for everything and therefore help to overcome some barriers.
Take time off the divorce table. Do not go into the session with the mind of divorce or constant feeling that it will not work out. Some problems could be requiring quite some time to overcome. Invest a lot in the process of making up the marriage and avoid the urge to feel it cannot work.
Finally, let it be your desire to maintain growth in yourself and work hard to improve. Do not struggle to fix your other half. Do it for yourself. Important to note is that you are the same and only one to solve the problem, not the therapist or the other one.
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