Some people usually attend the first session but then skip the whole graveside thing. This is fine as that is considered a private affair. However, if one is planning on attending the graveside session they should be in comfortable shoes. This is a directive especially for the ladies. Small talk is absolutely discouraged. If one does speak, they should do so in low hushed tones.
Tardiness to a burial is simply in bad taste. It reflects badly on the person and can be construed as disrespectful to all parties involved. One should plan for an early arrival to avoid noisy and distracting late walk in.
Do not under any circumstances attempt to socialize before the ceremony. Do not speak unless spoken to. Low key is the only key to being a Jewish burial. Wait until the end of the ceremony to offer condolences. At times there will not be a chance to do that. In that case, that is why there is a condolence book. So that the family can know they had support.
There usually people who are tasked with the responsibility of ensuring everyone sits where they are supposed to and moves when they are asked to. One should not purposely make the job of such people harder. These directions are meant to have the ceremony run smoothly. It would not auger well to instigate a mishap,
The Jewish faith does not believe in embalming. For this reason, burials are usually planned approximately three days after the death. This can be short notice especially with respect to getting time off work or getting a baby sitter. In this case, the Shiva will more than make up for the absence. This is a seven day period during which well-wishers can show up at the home and offer their condolences.
Some families will give a charity through which well-wishers can honor the deceased. This is preferred to sending flowers or leaving them at the grave. Flowers are frowned upon as they are seen as prettying up the stark reality.
As it is with all burials, one must be courteous. Help the old. Comfort anyone who is overcome by grief if they are close. Do not stare. Feel the pain and grieve but do not be obnoxious about it. Do not point out seemingly odd rituals. It could be fulfillment of a final wish.
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