Many people come into online dating with such a negative attitude that it reflects in their profiles, interactions and consequently their success. Particularly those men who come with preconceived ideas about 'what women want', in a negative sense, often shoot themselves in the foot. Two of the most common complaints I've heard are: 'girls only want hot guys' and 'they are only interested in the photo'. So before we start crafting your online profile, let's take a moment to see what psychological studies have found about how women act online. You don't have to take just my word for it.
Psychology has been investigating what women want for many years - and in the case of online dating, it can be done much more effectively. Foire and Donath (2005) focused on what women considered 'attractive' in an online profile. They found that older, more educated men, with higher levels of self-confidence were much more highly rated than simply attractive guys. Clearly, women do not just want hot guys
And it's not just the photograph that makes for an attractive profile. Another study run by Foire, et al. (2008) found that, for a profile to be judged as above average in attractiveness, it needed an appealing self-summary along with a photo. They argue that 'this first set of analysis points to the importance of having both an attractive photo and an attractive free-text component in order to have an attractive profile.'
But do you want the real secret about what women Really Want? Hah! Honey, it's relative.
In order to find out out what people were really looking for (and not just what they claimed to be looking for), Hitsch, et al. (2010) followed the choices of thousands of online daters. From this they made a list of what most women preferred in different categories:
Age: Women prefer men who are their age or up to 9 years older. Young was less preferred, and anything 10+ years younger or older was even less preferred.
Looks: While both men and women preferred better-looking partners, men have a much stronger preference about looks than women. (So there - who's saying women were the ones wanting hot partners?)
Weight: Women had a very different preference regarding weight than men. Women preferred partners with a higher BMI (Body Mass Index) than their own, but disliked men with a lower BMI. However, men have a much stronger preference about weight than women. (And you wonder why we are self-conscious about our weight!)
Height: There was no preference about absolute heights of potential partners, it was all relative. Women preferred men who were taller than them, and were not interested in men shorter. (So for any shorter men out there, you don't have to despair, you just need to find someone shorter than yourself.)
Income: Income preference was on an absolute level, not a relative one (unlike height). Men and women both preferred a high-income partner over a low-income one, though this preference is stronger in women. The largest increase in being contacted was in the $50k - $75k range, and smaller increases from then on.
Education: Interestingly, both men and women showed a preference for partners with a similar level of education, regardless of what that level was.
Occupation: This had a strong influence on women's preferences. Using 'student' as a baseline, the study found that the top four occupations were 'Legal/Attorney', then 'Law Enforcement/Fire fighter', then 'Military' and finally the health professions. Obviously it's not just about your pay packet, though a uniform appears to help.
Race: While it might feel politically incorrect to say, in both men and women there was a same-race preference, though it was more pronounced in women.
Similarity: Finally, in other aspects such as marital status, type of relationship goals, smoking etc., there was a preference for similarity. If the woman was a smoker, she preferred smokers, etc.
Based on this evidence, it is not realistic to say 'all women want...' because a lot of it is relative to situation. So you first need to work out who your ideal woman is to find out if you might be her ideal man and how to show her this.
Psychology has been investigating what women want for many years - and in the case of online dating, it can be done much more effectively. Foire and Donath (2005) focused on what women considered 'attractive' in an online profile. They found that older, more educated men, with higher levels of self-confidence were much more highly rated than simply attractive guys. Clearly, women do not just want hot guys
And it's not just the photograph that makes for an attractive profile. Another study run by Foire, et al. (2008) found that, for a profile to be judged as above average in attractiveness, it needed an appealing self-summary along with a photo. They argue that 'this first set of analysis points to the importance of having both an attractive photo and an attractive free-text component in order to have an attractive profile.'
But do you want the real secret about what women Really Want? Hah! Honey, it's relative.
In order to find out out what people were really looking for (and not just what they claimed to be looking for), Hitsch, et al. (2010) followed the choices of thousands of online daters. From this they made a list of what most women preferred in different categories:
Age: Women prefer men who are their age or up to 9 years older. Young was less preferred, and anything 10+ years younger or older was even less preferred.
Looks: While both men and women preferred better-looking partners, men have a much stronger preference about looks than women. (So there - who's saying women were the ones wanting hot partners?)
Weight: Women had a very different preference regarding weight than men. Women preferred partners with a higher BMI (Body Mass Index) than their own, but disliked men with a lower BMI. However, men have a much stronger preference about weight than women. (And you wonder why we are self-conscious about our weight!)
Height: There was no preference about absolute heights of potential partners, it was all relative. Women preferred men who were taller than them, and were not interested in men shorter. (So for any shorter men out there, you don't have to despair, you just need to find someone shorter than yourself.)
Income: Income preference was on an absolute level, not a relative one (unlike height). Men and women both preferred a high-income partner over a low-income one, though this preference is stronger in women. The largest increase in being contacted was in the $50k - $75k range, and smaller increases from then on.
Education: Interestingly, both men and women showed a preference for partners with a similar level of education, regardless of what that level was.
Occupation: This had a strong influence on women's preferences. Using 'student' as a baseline, the study found that the top four occupations were 'Legal/Attorney', then 'Law Enforcement/Fire fighter', then 'Military' and finally the health professions. Obviously it's not just about your pay packet, though a uniform appears to help.
Race: While it might feel politically incorrect to say, in both men and women there was a same-race preference, though it was more pronounced in women.
Similarity: Finally, in other aspects such as marital status, type of relationship goals, smoking etc., there was a preference for similarity. If the woman was a smoker, she preferred smokers, etc.
Based on this evidence, it is not realistic to say 'all women want...' because a lot of it is relative to situation. So you first need to work out who your ideal woman is to find out if you might be her ideal man and how to show her this.
About the Author:
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