The best case scenario is that the spouses act intelligently and as adults when it comes to making custodial arrangements for their children. If they are equally responsible and committed, a joint arrangement can usually be worked out. When differences arise that can't be resolved between the two, the court may intervene.
The most common arrangement for custodial care is the children living with one parent during the week, and visiting the other parent on the weekends and holidays. This is a good plan for couples who have moved on to other relationships or live some distance from one another. It's not uncommon to negotiate holiday time, so each partner's family can celebrate with the youngsters.
Bird nesting is becoming more common. This plan involves the parents moving in and out of the primary residence instead of the children. Most couples keep separate homes they use when it's not their turn to have the kids. A lot of parents decide to do this because it creates a more stable situation for the children, especially the youngest ones.
In instances when abuse or instability is an issue, sole custodial care may be necessary. If you want to take this route you will have to petition the court. In doing so, you will be required to show that the other parent is unfit. This usually involves alcohol or drug abuse, physical abuse, financial, mental, or lifestyle instability. The other party is allowed to rebut the accusations.
While all the responsibilities fall on one parent in the case of sole custodial care, it can have a number of advantages. The kids have the full time support of the most reliable parent. They don't have to deal with the other parent's issues directly. Neither adult is forced into interacting with the other. This is sometimes helpful in the long run.
Occasionally parents can't come to any kind of agreement regarding the care of their children. In this case, the judge can appoint a guardian ad litem. This individual is the children's advocate. The guardian ad litem assesses the family structure and makes a determination as to the best custodial arrangement. That information is passed on to the court.
Divorces are difficult. They affect all the family members. When couples can move past the issues, at least momentarily, to concentrate on the best interests of their kids, everybody wins. Failure to do that can have lifelong consequences for their children.
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