As you can imagine, this is not constructive for the relationship, especially if the topic is not openly discussed. Unfortunately, the fear and shame produced by sexual problems is massively stressful, and the couple often struggle on with this important issue continuing to erode respect and trust. So the question is, what can be done? The great thing is - you have the power to resolve this!
First, you need to talk about it openly: in other words, you tell your partner your emotions. However, the fact is our work shows as few as ten percent of couples are willing to talk about sexual problems. So, to help you be honest about your sex life, we have some tips to help you:
1) Talk about your feelings - please do not use the defense of blaming your other half. Having the ability to listen openly without reacting emotionally means you'll engender much less anger - and your partner is going to be a lot more able to listen to what you want to say without putting you down.
2) Don't think your partner is reponsible - accepting that you are both responsible for any emotional distress in the relationship is essential to healing stress between you. Only when you see that your partner's actions and feelings are a genuine reaction to the problems you face, and that they have a right to feel that way, can you start to see yourselves as you truly are.
3) Don't give way to self-criticism. Doing something is more constructive. This may require getting the support of a therapist. Or it may mean actions as easy as taking time every week to speak to your spouse about what is on your mind.
4) If you have challenges opening up about sexual problems rehearse what you want to "bring to the table" before you start. Preparing like this is vital in achieving the attention of your partner. It's also helpful to know your boundaries in any conversation about sex. That way you are be more likely to avoid concessions you regret.
5) Be clear about how you feel. It's often challenging to have full awareness of what's causing the things we feel, and it's likely you might only fully know the real issue as you discuss the problem. And, if you are clear what you would like to change, you are more likely to get it. The more genuinely you express yourself, the more truly you speak about how you feel, the more "together" you will become in your relationship.
Step 2 - work together on a trusted self-help treatment program for curing male sexual problems. There are a lot to choose from on the internet and a quick search should be enough to discover one that works for you and your partner. The important features you ought to look for are: honest testimonials, a full money-back guarantee, and a reputable author. I have shown in over twelve years' working men with sexual problems that self-help treatment programs work just as well as face to face therapy for almost all men, provided they are extremely motivated to up their sexual game.
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